Are Millennials and Gen Z'ers challenging traditional South Asian family values?

In a ComRes survey conducted last year for the Asian Network, it was revealed that British Asians are more socially conservative than others. Some statistics include 48% thinking same-sex relationships are unacceptable, and many would be offended if a relative had sex before marriage. But it’s no secret that natives of the Indian subcontinent put emphasis on strong values, such as family and religion. Gurinder Chadha’s 2002 film Bend It Like Beckham reflects them perfectly, and the idea of traditionalism vs modernism. It did a great job of outlining some of the implications of being raised with strict parents, and these aren’t just that our parents don’t want us to become footballers.

Many of us second and third generation immigrants are brought up traditionally, or with elements of tradition at least. We’re raised in a culture where sex talk is taboo and respect for your elders is of the utmost importance (among other concepts), and those ideas are embedded within our community.

We’re lucky that our parents fled from third-world countries to the UK, where the educational prospects and quality of living is much better. But it seems silly that we’re expected to adhere to strong (and some maybe argue outdated) values, when they’ve made the decision to bring us to the Western world, where they know the lifestyle is very different. In the wake of all the new ideas we’re learning about, I wanted to discuss this. With us Millennials and Gen Z’ers being more “woke” than ever, are there South Asian families becoming more liberal and leaning away from their traditional views?

Zee Virani is a social worker and mother of three, who was born in Uganda and moved to Tooting, London, at age five. Her upbringing was very much how one would expect it to be with first-generation immigrant parents, but she reflects the values they taught her. “I wasn’t allowed to go to discos or out with my friends,” she says, “I would sneak out my window and climb down the drainpipe with a boob tube and heels on.” She also explains how topics like sex were definitely taboo, and others like menstruation were spoken about, but not openly. Zee is an Ismaili Muslim, a faith she regards to be progressive and says there are subliminal ways in which she implements her culture and religion onto her children. “I would love my children to come to mosque, but they don’t want to. I’d rather they didn’t eat pork as well, but they do.”

In most instances, it seems as though the immediate family are accepting and supportive, but the extended family can be a problem. Ibtisam Ahmed moved from Dhaka, Bangladesh nine years ago and explains his parents back home have always supported him. “I felt comfortable coming out as gay to them as well,” he says. Although Ibtisam’s parents are practicing Muslims, they don’t mind him being less religious. “My extended family, however, tend to be much stricter,” he says, “I am not out to them and I still hold on to religious practices when I am in their company.” He explains that his relatives moved here in the late 70’s, less than a decade after independence. “They still have a Bangladeshi identity tied in to that decade, which was much more conservative and more Islamic.”

Rahul, 24, is a medical student from Norwich, who explains his family aren’t strict at all. His parents were born in East Africa, and he says they’re both very reasonable and built relationships on trust, and discipline was more about sitting and talking. “There may be a Western element, but I reckon it’s more because my parents are citizens of the world – they read a lot and try different cuisines.” This leads me to believe open-mindedness can have a huge impact on views, and how learning about the world around you can cause you to question what you’ve always known. Perhaps this is what other, traditional parents are scared of – change.

When asked if we still need traditional morals and values, everyone seems to agree that we do. Zee tells me that “progressive doesn’t necessarily mean better” and neither does the Western way of life. British-Asians have created a fusion of cultures, which does uphold some of the most important values from Eastern culture – the main one I found to be respect. Upholding these values reflects the respect you have for your family, people and country, that struggled when they came to this country. Although everyone agrees, and by people’s experiences it seems, that things are edging toward the more liberal, there will always be a place for traditions and values, and these can be implemented without an orthodox, unhappy upbringing.